The Artist – Malta Indie Shorts Review
Painting the wrong picture
Introduction
Oh, where do I begin with this one? The final film of the 2022 August Indie shorts and it is the gift that keeps on giving in all the wrong ways. Horror is subjective, as what can be terrifying for one person might not be for another. It is also a genre that is the most subject to change with the times. However, when done right, it can burrow deep into that dark pit of fear that resides within us all. But, if done poorly, what could be a fantastic idea could become a borderline comedy skit.
Plot and Setting – Like Slipping on a Scary looking Banana Peel
In an alternate universe where travel planning does not exist, a Japanese couple arrives in Malta but is unable to find a place to crash for the night. Thankfully, a kind-hearted priest recommends a random dilapidated farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, run by a recluse artist, as an excellent location to stay. However, little did they know that the artist was also a robe-wearing maniac with a looney-tune perspective of Christianity on the best of days.
Regarding the film’s pacing, watching The Artist felt like taking cocaine while speeding across Malta in a formula one race car. Outside the introduction and the killer’s grand reveal, which might I add was as subtle as placing a neon sign over his head saying I am a psychopath, were a couple of montages alongside a few scenes where our antagonist was either babbling to himself or to a badly computer-generated ghost lady. Who is this ghost lady, you ask? Nobody cares! Let’s watch some Asians have sex.
While the farmhouse was a bit creepy, it did not reach the same level of dread seen in films such as 2021’s No One Gets out Alive. I was half expecting at least one scene surrounding the awfully edited ghost lurking around the house, but nothing happened in that department. Even some demented paintings from the titular artist could have incited at least a little apprehension.
While The Artist does struggle narratively, it does try to push to impress in other areas. It is the only film among the shorts shown that relied on special and practical effects to progress the plot, and for that, I would have to commend them for it. It is also one of the first and probably only films to have actors speaking in Maltese and Japanese while being translated through subtitles.
Characters and Performances – Montages before Romances
As for our main protagonists, Eri and Shirou, portrayed by Yukino Arimoto and Shinnosuke Kazamla respectfully. While they did have a few interesting quirks, they were fairly one-dimensional as far as horror movies go. I was mostly indifferent to their personalities as they didn’t get the opportunity to grow on me due to the film’s short length and haphazard pacing. Their scenes could have been so much more intimate, but sadly all we got were those horrible montages.
While mostly ignorant of the artist’s sinister plans, I did appreciate that Eri was able to read the room early on and wanted to leave. On the other end of the spectrum, I am honestly impressed that Shirou has managed to survive for so long with his naivety. As I would have smacked him in the face with a nailed baseball bat for even thinking about staying the night after the tantrum the artist pulls upon their introduction.
One of the strangest questions that stood out was the reasoning behind Eri and Shirou’s lack of proper accommodations. There is an extended version of the film with a longer introduction, expanding the characters’ arrival on the island with scenes from the airport. Hopefully, it would shed some light on how they ended up in Malta without a place to stay.
Now that leaves the titular artist. As you might have noticed by now, I left the best for last, and I did it for a good reason because this fellow is as wacky as a Saturday morning cartoon villain trying to out his best slasher impression. While I could blame the entire thing on Michael Tabone’s overacting, the script does not help him. It feels like everyone got so into trying to make this guy evil with his scarlet robes and weird torture devices that they accidentally made him camp instead.
Conclusion
As mentioned before, I watched the shorter version of this film without its introduction, so I don’t have a clear picture of the plot for this to be a fair review. As it is right now, I can at best compare it with The Room, directed by Tommy Wiseau, due to the comical overacting and awful production.
The Artist is one of those films where it can get so bad it actually becomes good, which could attract scores of people who love to watch these train wrecks with their friends over a few drinks. You could watch it with the same mindset one would watch Black Sheep, a 2006 dark comedy film, but as a serious horror film, I would recommend watching something else.
